Every relationship goes through different phases, and you probably agree that the first couple of months are full of passion. In a relationship, this love charm changes over the years.
It sometimes gets replaced with a loving sense of attachment. But even if both partners are deeply in love, sex is not less important than romance.
What if the passional spark of sex has slowly begun to extinguish? What if you’re now immersed in a sexless marriage?
In this article, we’re covering the topic from a psychological perspective and telling you what to do if this is happening to your marriage.
What causes a sexless marriage?
First of all, it is essential to spot the cause of sexless marriage. Why is it happening? Here’s a list of possible reasons.
Chronic disease and different ailments
You would naturally reduce your sexual desire if you’re constantly in pain or recently acquired a type of disability. Dealing with health problems is a common cause of reduced libido.
As we age, chronic disease, time-consuming activities, tiredness, menopause, muscle weakness, and not feeling sexually appealing may cause a significant decrease in sexual activity.
Experiencing an unresolved problem
Stress and anxiety can come with problems can affect your sexual life. This is true for you and your partner.
Worrying or feeling stress constantly
Loss and grief
After a loss of any kind, people would usually reduce their sexual activity. They need to recover from their loss to return to normal sexual behavior.
Not having enough time
It is a very usual cause when both partners live a busy life and feel very tired when finally reaching their beds.
Misconceptions about sex
People who have had a bad experience with sex may tend to avoid this type of behavior. They could have a sexual stigma or belief that influences their libido.
Sex has a very deep emotional underlying. If you’re not communicating effectively with your partner, you could start losing sexual desire.
Mental health issues
It could be sexual anxiety, depression, or past trauma. A post-traumatic memory related to stress should be ruled out with your doctor.
These individuals do not necessarily feel the natural need for sex in their lives. Asexuality should be distinguished from a sexual desire disorder and couples.
Can a sexless marriage survive?
There are no studies about it, but communication problems, the sensation of growing apart, and infidelity are in the top list of causes. Interestingly they can be a cause or consequence of sexless marriage, too.
People think that marriages can hardly survive without sex, but that is not true. Sex is an integral part of marriage, but not the only one. However, if you want to save your marriage, the best recommendation would be to look for professional help.
You don’t have to go through all of this on your own. If this is not temporary due to a recent loss in your family or injury, look for someone to talk it out. Communicate with your partner and try to restore passion in other ways. Remember that you can decide to do nothing and lose your marriage or play your part and feel satisfied with your partner.
Tips for a sexless marriage
In most cases, what we call sexless marriage is not an absolute zero. The sexual frequency could be lower than before without reaching zero. What matters most is not how many times you have sex in one year.
Are you satisfied with the frequency you have sex in your marriage? Is your partner satisfied, too? If not, there are a few tips you can try to improve your sexual experience:
Reexamine your role
You should always think about things changing over the years. They always change. You’re not the same person as the years pass. The same goes for your partner.
What you can do is reexamine your role in the relationship. Our society is changing toward a more egalitarian marriage, and traditional gender ideology could be an enemy of this type of relationship.
Go out for a date
In many cases, sexless marriage is composed of people who got too comfortable and settled down. They don’t need to surprise their partners; they don’t get excited anymore. Marriage won’t be the same as having as dating, but you can still ignite passion.
Buy a gift, plan a date night, go for an excursion, take your partner to a new place in the city. Prove to your partner that you’re still a big fan and want to surprise them. It shouldn’t be a convoluted plan, just something that tells them that you care.
Communication is one of the reasons why sexless marriage does not survive. One of them is comfortable with sex once a month, but the other is not. If there’s an issue between couples and sex, are they bringing it up?
Silence can build resentment and kill passion slowly. Talk it out, and if you think that everything will get out of hands when you express yourself, look for a marriage counselor to work as an intermediate.
You need to open up if you want to fully enjoy your marriage, not only in terms of sex. Marriage counseling can help a lot in this regard.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
Honesty and being vulnerable is also essential. It creates true intimacy when you see the other without a cover-up. If you feel like you need to give a good appearance to the rest of the world, are you trying to create an impression on your partner as well?
When you’re ready to show your true colors, intimacy will grow, and sex will reappear. In this regard, communication is also important. But we’re talking about authentic communication, based on honesty and not covering up your weak spots.
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Sexual intimacy is critical between spouses. A happy marriage considers the sexual needs of the married couple, and sex life is vital. But sometimes, we come across a sexless relationship in which physical intimacy becomes almost null.
In some cases, it is due to bad sex, sexual dysfunction, low sex drive, or another sexual problem. A sex therapist can help in this type of situation. Sex therapy can save your marriage from divorce, but you can also do your part.
Rebuild an emotional connection with your partner, communicate more, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, and don’t let yourself fall apart for gender and role stereotypes. In most cases, couples can achieve a healthy sex life, even after a long time being married.
Sexual intercourse is about connection, trust, and emotion more than pleasure. Thus, sexless marriage is not measured by how frequent sex is. It is much more complex than that.
If you think you have sexual issues with your partner, don’t be afraid to talk it out with a professional.